06 May 2007

Web search for the humor in technology, world news, celebrities and mad events | 13 May 2007 | 29 April 2007

Funny quotes of the day traffic opportunity for bloggers

I went to great lengths to bring you Funny Quotes of the Day in simple text, but The Pisstakers have gone mad.

In association with Bonsai Studios we are proud to present to all bloggers everywhere, a more polished beta version of The Pisstakers Funny Quotes of the Day widget.

Eyes to the left say "Aye, that isn't too bad for a widget!" What you see above is how it looks at the moment under testing in the sidebar of Claire Pitt's blog, interestingly quite similar to the sidebar theme of the Necessary Skills blog.

It adapts according to your theme and is so flexible it will even stretch to infinity and beyond!!
widget-banner

Mega traffic opportunities for bloggers

The live version is in the right sidebar and your blog can be in on it! Copy this code and paste it in your sidebar. It could change your life! Viral traffic, anyone?

Send me a quote or funny line (preferably yours) plus a link to your site, and I will add it to the quotes on the widget. Every time the widget is installed on another blog, your quote plus link to your site will appear on the loop. A free chance to entertain AND be seen by lots of people. Simple see!

Beta testing - Begin!!

Beta means basically it won't kill your computer. It looks OK to us, and seems entertaining, but we need to see it at work on other sites with different size side bars and themes. It needs to look good in the eyes of the people that matter - you and your readers!

Let me know. That way I will call by, have a look at the widget, have a read of your blog, and do some behind the scenes tweaking, if necessary, to the widget.

What to look for

Whether the looks are perfect, I don't know, but is quite a clever design (I think) for several reasons. Let me know what you think!

1 New quote appears with each page refresh.

2 The quote can link anywhere we choose on the internet. ie to your blog, the place where the quote came from...

3 Quotes are stored on a server, so they can be loaded onto the widget easily - and lots of them.

4 The widget adapts to the colors of your theme, so it shouldn't look too garish.

Feedback most appreciated

Of course this is all theory, it may die a death by this evening! So, please leave comments to let us know if it breaks or if it is illegible or if you want it to have a different background color. Anything you think of, don't be shy.

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"Your name" is a Kiva lender	"Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget	Funny HQ humor store

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Concrete hell

Filed in: Ed's blog spot

Ed the Editor's personal blog corner

On a road trip today I watched a concrete mixer tragedy in action and was reminded of another memorable concrete story!

Road to concrete hell

A truck driver with 10 tons of concrete turning gently behind him doesn't have a care in the world, until he approaches a queue of slowing traffic on the freeway. He glances at his watch to check how long till drop off time and sees he has a few minutes grace. But imagine the panic in his eyes as he tunes into local radio and realises the freeway ahead is blocked, closed and impassable due to a serious fire. And as he looks in his rear mirror, he sees he is being boxed in and can't even get on to the median to make an albeit illegal escape to get his hardening load to the site.

I was laughing as I passed him in the opposite direction, putting all the pieces of the puzzle together. A little cruel, I suppose, but life is funnier than fiction at times. And 5 hours later I hear that the freeway is still closed. I wonder if the state troopers let him escape so the concrete could set in the right place?

House of concrete hell

Years ago a builder friend of mine had to lay a new solid floor in a cottage. He had arranged for three friends to help him. A couple of hours work at most, no big deal. The concrete truck arrived a little ahead of time, so the driver agreed to wait till the hired hands arrived. 20 minutes, 30 minutes, 40 minutes passed but despite phone calls and assurances, there was no sign of friends.

The driver ran out of patience and had to give the builder an ultimatum - dump the load in the cottage or dump it in the yard. In a leap of faith, he asked the driver to pump it in through the window and he set to work like a lunatic, leveling it out, creating a new floor. By the time he reached the point in the story where he was faced witha huge mound of hardening concrete where the lounge was supposed to be, I was in tears of laughter. He was a good tradesman, but no reputation was going to save him if he ended up with that sort of mess.

Somehow, it ended well, though, when three very embarrassed guys turned up to finish off the job. As they toiled and saved the day, builder boy collapsed in a heap outside, his forearms seized, his stress levels through the roof, but a grin of relief from ear to ear. Who needs enemies with friends like that.?!

If you ever miss a day without Ed's incisive observations, haha, you can find all past rambles here.

Enjoy the content.

Tech archives | Techboggle | Top Funnies | Funny quotes

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"Your name" is a Kiva lender	"Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget	Funny HQ humor store

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The Sherwood Green kid

Filed in: Ed's blog spot

Ed the Editor's personal blog corner

Once upon a time I was working in a college for trainee painters and there was a very well organised system for storage of materials. The new tins stayed at the top of a 7 foot tall cupboard and the used ones were stored on the shelves below, arranged by primer, topcoat, wall paint. The students were under threat of death if they mucked up the system. Not that disorderly paint tins is a matter of life and death, but college employees want an easy life.

I mentioned once before an apprentice who didn't have the brain cells to ask the driver to tell him when they were at a specific bus stop. My colleague told me that the same character had given him an even bigger laugh.

Student X decided he was going to break the rules of paint organisation, and reach up to grab a 1 gallon tin of green oil gloss paint from the top shelf without using a pair of steps. All the lecturer knew of this flawed and subversive plan was when he heard an almighty "F---!" followed by a room full of belly laugh laughter.

Can you imagine how the lecturer felt when he looked across the room to see a diminishing cascade of shiny green paint and a glossed up teenager below, covered from head to toe? Everyone was having hysterics, especially as the kid just stood there shaking his head, a pool of green spreading rapidly across the floor. Luckily the lecturer realised the danger and holding back the grins, told him to keep his eyes and mouth shut and not to move a muscle till he was told.

It was class dismissed and it took the lecturer an hour to clean the kid down till he was even close to being in a position to go to the showers armed with horrible slimy detergent for his hair and skin. Needless to say, none of his classmates would lend him any clothes, so he had to wear a flowery blouse that hadn't yet been torn up for rags, and a pair of old bib and brace overalls.

I am not sure there is a moral to this, except, what a case, and to be fair, The Sherwood Green Kid always came back for more.

If you ever miss a day without Ed's incisive observations, haha, you can find all past rambles here

Participate in link-a-post

"Your name" is a Kiva lender	"Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget	Funny HQ humor store

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Funny quotes of the day - traffic opportunity for all bloggers

Filed in: Ed's blog spot

I went to great lengths to bring you Funny Quotes of the Day in simple text, but The Pisstakers have gone mad.

In association with Bonsai Studios we are proud to present to all bloggers everywhere, a more polished beta version of The Pisstakers Funny Quotes of the Day widget.

Eyes to the left say "Aye, that isn't too bad for a widget!" What you see above is how it looks at the moment under testing in the sidebar of the Necessary Skills blog.

It adapts according to your theme and is so flexible it will even stretch to infinity and beyond!!
widget-banner

Mega traffic opportunities for bloggers

...

Hasselhof - a drunk again

Filed in: Ed's blog spot

Ed the Editor's personal blog corner

I was watching the pathetic pictures of David Hasselhof drunk on a hotel floor scoffing like a piglet on his cheeseburger. There is obviously more than one thing to come out of this story!

First, oh how the mighty are fallen. This footage reminds us all that legalised alcohol takes no prisoners in the wrong hands and is pushing people with millions, as well as millions of vulnerable people over the top all day every day.

Second, Hasselhof the monster seems to be more inclined to sleep than aggression, when drunk. In all probability he is probably just a boring frustrating git, rather than a menace. (No wonder he needed Kit to do all the hard stuff fro him.) Obviously that assertion is based on a few seconds of videotape, but it I would go as far as to say that it is highly unlikely that he is an aggressive drunk, because publicity-seeking wifey admits he is a good person, and makes no mention of any back-handers, beatings, clubbings or deathly attacks. If he had, I am sure we would be hearing all about that.

Or maybe we will soon hear some dirt.Third: Sheet, the lights have come on, ding ding ding. Is this a really clever publicity stunt to promote David Hasselhof's upcoming book? Will he admit he is an aggressive alcoholic who used his belly board for violent means when stoned!!! Will we learn that his wife really is an angel?

Fourth: The basic credentials for parenthood are a set of genitals. Good parenting, however, takes brains.Hasselhof's brains were in a bottle when he hatched a plan to shame himself off his addiction, with footage of his drunkenness. If only he hadn't involved his kid.

This leads on to point four B, that sometimes kids are stronger than their parents. The 16 year-old daughter is certainly stronger than her mommy dearest, in my opinion.

Mrs Baywatch, the media manipulating star of point 5 isn't helping things. Instead of bitching and moaning publicly about his addiction, and showing a home video to the world, Mrs Baywatch should count herself lucky that David Hasselhof is a rich lethargic dopey drunk who she could skin for millions, leave, and get on with her life.

So, for now, based on the scanty evidence, my sixth non-sense opinion is that Mrs Baywatch, instead of playing the Poor Me, should dump Hasselhof for good, and use her clout to raise awareness of alcoholism. Then I would listen to her, instead of rolling my eyes at what I have seen so far.

If you ever miss a day without Pisstakers, you can find a daily snapshot of The Pisstakers Satire Blog Posts (ie the homepage) in the archives

Enjoy the content.

Participate in link-a-post

"Your name" is a Kiva lender	"Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget	Funny HQ humor store

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MyBlogLog Sunday 8

Filed in: MBL sunday

Today's another MyBlogLog Sunday - part 8 at the Pisstakers.

I took a break from the normal coffee routine and had some pizza, water and CSI Miami for breakfast. Pumped and ready to blog, I have taken this snapshot of the 10 MyBlogLog bloggers who last visited the Pisstakers. These early morning/late night visitors will be the main feature on the homepage later today and will be here on view in some shape or form all week.

This is week 8 and I have mini-reviewed about 60 different blogs. With over 100,000 MyBlogLog members, there is plenty of room for newcomers. The format is explained below.

By next Sunday the mini reviews will be farmed out for posterity to the archives, a permanent reminder of their glorious moment, a permanent back link, blah blah.

Whether you are a super surfer or a blogger, I hope you enjoy reading my one-liner summary before visiting 10 diverse blogs.

MyBlogLog Sunday prize winner

A pound of gummi bears and a review like these is on offer to which ever of last week's featured blogs refers the most traffic to The Pisstakers before midnight Saturday.

Yeehah, Ploop won the gummi bears and review for referring most traffic to The Pisstakers. Congratulations.(There are lots of hits from several other blogs, but the prize lies in referring traffic that reads!)

MyBlogLog Sunday info links

All hot mini reviews on MyBloglog Sunday!

Internet buzz on MyBloglog Sunday!

How to participate in MyBloglog Sunday!

Weekly round-up of MyBloglog Sunday!

Other contests this week

Web Analytics have a blog contest for tech heads. The future of Search marketing. Check out the rules. Prizes include cash, a pro account at MyBlogLog...

Blog About Your Blog have attracted 100 RSS reader visitors per day for a while now. If you are one of the first 200 to subscribe to their RSS feed you could win a mini fridge. Hurry, 5 May has gone but summer is coming fast.

The Pisstakers This week's tantalizing clue to "You won't win a Zune" contest is: It is brilliant outside but doesn't like rain.

We've linked to several web search engines offering random payments & prizes! Click the icon & search our keyphrase web satire. It is a win-win, perhaps!

Be back later.