20 May 2007

Web search for the humor in technology, world news, celebrities and mad events | 27 May 2007 | 13 May 2007

Earthquakes and house prices

Ed the Editor's personal blog corner

I was once on the phone to a guy who was caught in an earthquake, the one in 1989 on the West Coast, where part of the Oakland bridge fell down. The phone conversation pre-earthquake, was quite entertaining, but then took an hysterical turn. He burst out laughing for no reason and between guffaws managed to describe how he had just seen a jogger fall headlong onto the sidewalk - and there had been nothing in his way.

Then the line went quiet and I thought we had been cut off. The next thing I get this earful of effing and blinding coming down the phone. Beep, ber beep beep, beep - He blurted out that the whole road was like a black ribbon being flicked by a giant hand. Then it dawned on him that he was in an earthquake and he said he would call me back.

Fortunately he did call me when he got home, safe, and explained that he had been near the epicenter of the biggest tremor since the 1906 quake. A great relief for us all that he was OK, and a relief for the jogger that he had fallen over for a good reason. It was also good news for my mate because he was in the construction game and everywhere he pointed a finger there was new-found work. But I guess, not such a happy result for the casualties and the insurance companies.

Anyway, he has since moved to Nevada, and invested in a property. He wasn't too keen on the desert weather, but according to his shaky logic, when the big one finally sinks California and leaves him on the beach, his house will quadruple in value overnight.

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Naivety of youth stayed forever

Filed in: Ed's blog spot

Ed the Editor's personal blog corner

When I was a kid, I would drive along in the car sat behind my father, and every car that came past I could identify it by make, and sometimes the year. I lost this arcane skill by age 12, at a time when all cars started to morph into hatchbacks and round-assed sedans.

I was quite shocked when aged 25, I met a guy who worked at a car parts store and he could still tell you the make, year of manufacture and an infinite range of stats about every car in the neighborhood. I was so glad I had grown out of that game young, because the car spotter was a bore and I was sure glad I hadn't ended up like him.

Age 13 I entered the world of train number spotting. For some reason I never got the hang of ID-ing trains, always making out I knew what was coming in the distance, but invariably I would resort to a wild hapless guess. As it zoomed past, I would surreptitiously scribble out the first few identifying numbers I had incorrectly guessed at and carry on as if I had got nothing wrong.

By age 14 I had forgotten all about trains, and still to this day, I cringe when I see older guys in anoraks with huge binoculars around their neck, perched at the farthest extremes of station platforms. Munching on horrible sandwiches, sipping on coke, they still try to get into train cabs just to mark the number off in their book. Weird and definitely a hobby that I am glad to say deserted my consciousness, never to return.

And finally, by age 18 I was a busted up sporty jock. I loved the rough and tumble of school sports and I could have been semi good for quite a few years more, and it is way more healthy for you than car spotting and train spotting, but, due to a few too many niggly injuries, not helped by playing a couple of games with a strapped up broken ankle, I took an enforced back seat to sport till my 30's.

I was pissed at the time, but in hindsight of all the pastimes undertaken by me as a kid, I think sport is the one endeavor where I was lucky to be forcibly retired to the sidelines.

The way I saw it as a spectator from the sideline was that, adult life can really screw with your perception of the spirit of a hobby or game. Watching any competitive contact sport, you suddenly realise the guy opposite really does want to hurt someone if necessary. You also see the crowd cheering with a different mindset to parents.

And after a game you see that many players are far from happy because they lost, or didn't play that well, and the ones who are happy in victory, spoil it with the need to get stupid. Whatever happened to the contentment in drinking a hot cup of coffee and munching on free sandwiches, chatting about shit to the opposition?

So, whereas I can safely say I am glad I am not young again, spotting trains and cars, I am also glad that I never had that naive spirit of fair play beaten out of me by adult sports. Although, if I could find out where that bastard who broke my ankle lives, maybe I could really sleep easy at night.

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The Horse Whisperer

Filed in: Ed's blog spot

Ed the Editor's personal blog corner

For centuries, the Indians rode bare back with a rope for a bridle. They were in harmony with their horses, understanding every whinny and subtle body movement communicated by the horse.

With the passing of time, modern man forgot the concept of 2-way communication and strived to control the noble horse via whips and vicious bits and bridles. Man could control like never before, but could no longer tap so deeply into a horse's enormous strength and power.

In recent history the incidence of horse abuse has risen sharply - in harmony with the philosophy that time and money has became more important than the long process of building a relationship. Racehorses are beaten into submission, dressage horses strapped into position, trotters made to stretch further than their bodies can handle, school horses carrying weights far beyond their carrying capacity.

But then came the Horse Whisperer, a fair haired and fair, handsome man made for the movies. He had a dominant way about him, not as kind as the horse would like, but in comparison to the majority of trainers, he was an angel, reading body language and talking to the horse in ways that had been lost over time.

And then there was Ed who has taken horse communication to a new level. After a few months of observing Mrs Ed training a horse, I have noticed a couple of subtle ways a horse expresses itself via body language.

Sharp kick to the owner's head

Get out of my face asshole and bring me some more hay.

Manic tossing of the head

Hey girls, I am over here. Fancy a shag?

Stamping and "pawing" at the ground

I'm only mad at you, because there is gold down here and you aren't taking any notice of me.

Swishing of the tail.

I just farted, get a whiff of that.

Ears pointing back, eyes rolling

I am no different to any other boy and hate it when you try to wash my face and behind my ears.

Massive display of manhood

I don't know if that horse is male or female, but either way, if I get over that fence, sparks will fly.

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Observations at a vehicle inspection station

Filed in: Ed's blog spot

Ed the Editor's personal blog corner

Having made an appointment, specifically a 1.45 appointment, to get the car inspected for roadworthiness, we end up in a queue of traffic also booked in for 1.45pm. How annoying is that! Anyway, in the line was a police car. That got me thinking.

Firstly, why is this upholder of the law getting his car checked for road safety when he should be out catching criminals? It didn't compute, especially as there was no coffee or donut in sight either.

Secondly, the police are always looking for revenue, else why book us for speeding at every opportunity? So, sitting in line, it occurred to me that they could have far richer pickings, for far less effort if they adopted the following tactic: Park up 50 yards from the testing station and pull cars over just before they drive in for a test. Most will be coming in to renew their papers in cars that will be anything from a little worse for wear to borderline dangerous - all easy meat for a ticket.

This should prove lucrative as long as the cops are smart enough to park themselves in the correct place and catch drivers going in, rather than stop drivers leaving with that golden sticker on their windshield giving them 45 days' grace / immunity to put the defective bits right.

And finally, how bizarre is it that our emissions were within legal limits, yet we had to get a brand new exhaust because the "legal" one had a hole in it? The putt-putt Japanese car engine is barely audible even when you stand on the accelerator pedal, and would need to have literally no tail pipe at all to sound even slightly trans-am throaty. Besides, I don't see any mention of sound levels on the test papers? Another example of bureaucracy gone mad!

Got anything to add to this list of motor vehicle idiocy?

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MyBlogLog Sunday 10

Filed in: MBL sunday

Today's a double digit MyBlogLog Sunday - part 10, no less, at the Pisstakers.

I am not quite back in the groove, because unlike last week, where I over-caffeinated my race-tuned body, this time the coffee pot is still brewing. Picture me, if you will, shaking uncontrollably as I take snapshots of the widget. Luckily the camera is a hi-tech self righting model, The Steve Jobs Screen Shooter version X, and is steadier than my hand. Without further ado, though, these are the next 10 souls lined up for a mini review later today.

It looks like 2 new kids on the block, some long lost friends, and the Mouseski / Callie / Mind Patterns rail road show - plus of course that persistent man from Malaysia who is screaming in anticipation - the fabled view bar from Agloco is now crippled alpha software as opposed to vapor ware!!!

Thanks for taking part today, and to those of you who don't know what on earth is going on here, the MBL Sunday rules are explained here. (As a hint, be a MyBlogLog member who visits here just before I start blogging on Sundays!)

News
As part of a permanent fine tune illness of mine, the mini reviews from today are instantly added to the archives, so you can get a permanent back link to your mini review AND TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT MYBLOGLOG SUNDAY.

Blog Interrogation
This is a chance for all mini reviewed bloggers to set the record straight by demonstrating how you see your own web site. Check out the suffering souls who already underwent a nasty Blog Interrogation at the hands of Ed. There are 4 more bloggers already lined up for release next week, with some insightful and amusing responses. Go on, 5 simple questions about YOU. It is like falling off a log.

MyBlogLog Sunday prize winner

A pound of gummi bears and a review like these is on offer to which ever of last week's featured blogs refers the most traffic to The Pisstakers before midnight Saturday.

To be announced

MyBlogLog Sunday info links

All hot mini reviews on MyBloglog Sunday!

Internet buzz on MyBloglog Sunday!

How to participate in MyBloglog Sunday!

Weekly round-up of MyBloglog Sunday!

Other contests this week

Link Rambler has come good for the Pisstakers, including a couple of features I have running. Ray searches the internet high and low looking for... promotions, awards, contests, memes, giveaways, linkbait opportunities, and other ways to bring traffic to your site or blog. Drop him a line about your latest venture

Web Analytics continue with their blog contest for tech heads. The writing is over, The future of Search marketing entries are in. Now, the most visited articles win prizes that include cash, a pro account at MyBlogLog...Ed has an entry.

Blog About Your Blog has increased its RSS readership to around 130 per day. If you are one of the first 200 to subscribe to their RSS feed you could win a mini fridge. End the competition before the summer and sign up now!

The Pisstakers This week's tantalizing clue to "You won't win a Zune" contest is: Feel the music everywhere, man!

We've linked to several web search engines offering random payments & prizes! Click the icon & search our keyphrase web satire. It is a win-win, perhaps!

Be back later.