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Beefburger eater makes history at the tower of London

Ed the Editor's personal blog corner

The Tower of London's genuine Yeoman warders date back to 1485 and their nickname Beefeaters is thought to derive from the daily ration of meat they received.

Yesterday the first 400lb yeoman was inducted at the Tower of London visitor center and crowned Royal Beefburger Eater.

Phillip A. Smalltown topped a shortlist of 5 men who applied for the job via a contest Weightiest tourist to climb the stairs to the Crown Jewels. He is now entitled to take a £20,000 a year post at the Tower, giving special tours to heavy visitors. He will wear a special uniform so that visitors don't confuse him with traditional Beefeaters.

Phillip said it was a "great privilege" to accept the job and would agree to work and live at the historic Tower. He posed for the cameras in an adaptation of the famous blue and scarlet uniform worn by the traditional Beefeaters at the Tower since 1485. He said the red and yellow converted marquee with traditional golden arches above the E11R sponsored by MacDonalds insignia was a thing of beauty and he would wear it with pride.

Mr Smalltown started training for this position way back in 1999. Weighing in at a spritely 114lbs, he first joined the military and signed a commitment to eat 3 beef burgers a day plus assorted calory-laden bi-products for a minimum of 9 years. In 2008 he can apply for a further commission to extend his obese tour of duty, or retire with a sizable pension in the form of fast food vouchers. Should he chose to sign up for a further 9 years and maintains his weight, he will also be immortalised as a MacDonald doll.

While posing for a barrage of cameras, he admitted to carrying a tupperware container with spare burgers, just in case he was struck with severe hunger pangs in between meals. "Thank goodness for the wonderful big pockets in this new uniform. Now I don't have to look so desperate with an emergency food napsack on my back."

He described the Tower as magical, saying It's just a wonderful job and I'm very very lucky to have it. You wake up in the morning and you know you are going to have a fulfilling day.

Crown jewels

Mr Smalltown has spent 2 months undergoing intensive training to learn the different duties expected of a Beefburger Eater. He will help out visitors who are lost, and also advise young people what they need to do, in terms of diet, to end up looking like him. As a matter of full disclosure, he has to display his medical charts on his back, so visitors following him up to the Crown jewels can read all about his insulin levels, cholesterol count and advanced coronary disease symptoms. "I am here to educate," he beamed with pride over lunch.

As well as a salary, he will also have subsidised meals at any fast food joint in London. "To overcome any criticisms that Queen Elizabeth has sold out to MacDonalds, she sold out to them all."