Here are a few examples of the banter that goes on in a boatyard.

Argument

You don't know what you are doing. You are wrecking this boat.

[Irate] What do you mean! You don't even know what I am doing.

I know enough to know that you shouldn't be working on that boat.

[irate] I'll show you. I am going to ... paint a swastika on the side of your boat.

Uh? Whatever. I expect you will put it on upside down.

Mistake

I was standing talking to a shipwright when he suddenly stopped mid sentence and yelled "Oi, boat on the run!"

I looked around and sure enough, a big sailboat on a trailer was rolling out of a hangar and careening across the yard. Two lads were sprinting to get ahead of it and inches before it hit a really expensive boat, they jammed on the brake - the brake that one of them should have put on in the first place.

"That was a close one," I said.

"Shit." said the shipwright, "Another few inches and that would have been some nice insurance work for me."

Clearly the art of ambulance chasing isn't restricted to lawyers.

Buyer beware

A guy bought a boat that had been on a trailer outside a warehouse that caught fire. At the time of the purchase, he was led to believe that one side only of the fiberglass hull had suffered some fire damage, some fairly minor damage. The price was such that the bargain hunter didn't want to ask too many questions, in case the owner upped the asking price on a very neat yacht that would be worth 6 figures when back in good condition.

When he towed it away, the nautical nutter planned on 12 weeks to sort out the cosmetic issues to his "steal", and get the boat back in the water, a few bucks ahead.

12 months and mucho bucks later, he finally finished the repairs and re-launched it, a lot wiser about the full blistering effects of fire on fiberglass - and he is a zealous promoter of surveyors, those experts who charge a fair amount for their services, but who can save you mucho bucks and time with their assessment of damage.

Rock bottom

Before entering a boatyard it is best learn that BOAT stands for Break Out Another Thousand.

Typically, a boat repair takes twice as long as anticipated, which for most small jobs, even at $105 an hour is not going to leave a boat owner totally destitute. However, those involved in a major overhaul often find themselves in tears, openly crying or silently praying that the earth opens up and swallows them, before the boat swallows all their energy and cash.

Things can only get better, now we have hit rock bottom.

Definition of sailing

Standing in a cold shower pushing hundred dollar bills down the plug hole.

Hammocks

Number one on our list of must have on a boat items is a hammock, which is far more realistic than the ideal view we want to enjoy from a hammock. Having said that, if you care to splash out $99 for this Lowest Price Large Steel Hammock Stand! Forest Green Stand , I will be able to put the Shopzilla commission towards achieving our exotic goal!! No pressure.