Losers who can't even rip off tourists properly

Ed the Editor's personal blog corner

I have known some high flyers in my time and they all have good stories to tell about trips to foreign lands. One particular gentleman had an insight on the world of mega civil engineering projects, and boy, some of the things that go on would make you laugh and cry, both at the same time. When I heard the following story about a trip to Nigeria, the term, Who is taking the piss out of who? sprung to mind .

Small change in Africa

In Nigeria, the first thing that happened to him at customs was a subtle reminder from an official that he needed to hand over a tip, so he could enter the country. The guy was not used to this level of free enterprise, and was obviously unsure how to react. Not least of his concerns was, how much of a tip did the official have in mind?

He needn't have worried when the hand went out and he was asked to drop the equivalent of $1 in the sweaty cop's corrupt palm. And that was the end of his lesson. Everywhere he went, he carried a few loose "dollar bills", paid the bribes and had an easy time of it. If only bribes were so cheap over here.

Big bucks in India

I had a similar "small change" experience in India with a bike taxi owner. Those guys work like dogs to make ends meet and they aren't slow to spot a whitey and push their luck with the final bill. On one occasion, I had to travel across New Delhi to get a train ticket. The bike-drawn carriage scooted through the traffic, and the only incident of note was when a guy came screeching after the cab waving my Ventolin Inhaler at me. It had fallen out my pocket and dropped through a gap in the seat that I was clenching my ass on. Somehow he had seen it land, and even more amazing for a city full of robbers, (Indians' words not mine!) he did a good deed for the day, reuniting me with my spare lung, and didn't ask for money. My kind of Samaritan.

Long story short, the train ticket was not available from the place I had been advised to go to, so I had to scoot back to another side of New Delhi. Of course the taxi guy was happy with the extra work, and decided to celebrate with a stop-off at a water vendor. The cheeky git got me to pay for his liquid cholera - 2 cents. Ouch.

But the fireworks really blew when it came to journey's end. In a parking area where there were more people than taxis, he demanded the equivalent of $5 for his couple of hour's service. It sounded a lot to me, relative to what I had been paying, and I questioned the price. The next thing, a group of 6 or so well-dressed university types join in and they are calling the taxi guy a robber and a thief, and I wasn't to pay him a dime over $2 and he was a disgrace to all Indians and how dare he rip off the good people from wherever it was they thought I came from. It was quite the to-do. But most amazing thing was, the taxi guy would not back down!

That is when I put a realistic value on my time and realised that $5 for peace and quiet was $5 well-spent, so I handed over the cash.

You know when you look in someone's eye and you can see how they think they have got one over on you. It doesn't worry me any, because I rarely enter into a deal I can't live with, and being ripped off for $5 didn't worry me one bit. I just thought, who is taking the piss out of who? If he had done his research, he could have been nice about it, and asked me for a reasonable fare. I would have paid him gladly, and probably made it up to some ludicrous figure, like, $5. (So shoot me if I am too generous and a danger to local Third World economies with my extravagant ways.)

Anyway, I wouldn't go as far as to wish ill upon his family or anything, but I won't lose any sleep if his enlarged heart and arthritic joints give him hell for many a long year. Loser. (Come to think of it, I am probably the loser for thinking like that.)