Van Damme v Seagal, who would win?
Filed in: Ed's blog spot
This is my fave post for ages, with the best vids ever, so I will leave it here another day!
This vitally important topic of van Damme v Seagal was discussed at great videographic length over at Brohans. In my humble opinion, Seagal would give van Damme a good hiding without breaking into a sweat. Sorry to everyone with a soft spot for pretty boy and a dislike of the grimacing pony tailed fat man! I sort of have an argument to back up that bold statement.
more
Ed the Editor's personal blog corner
This vitally important topic of van Damme v Seagal was discussed at great videographic length over at Brohans. In my humble opinion, Seagal would give van Damme a good hiding without breaking into a sweat. Sorry to everyone with a soft spot for pretty boy and a dislike of the grimacing pony tailed fat man! I sort of have an argument to back up that bold statement.
more
Ed the Editor's personal blog corner
This vitally important topic of van Damme v Seagal was discussed at great videographic length over at Brohans. In my humble opinion, Seagal would give van Damme a good hiding without breaking into a sweat. Sorry to everyone with a soft spot for pretty boy and a dislike of the grimacing pony tailed fat man! I sort of have an argument to back up that bold statement.
Van Damme's martial art of choice is something akin to Tai Kwando. It is a Westernised competition form of kick boxing and the whole emphasis is on "up". Thisis why you invariably see the Belgian flying off the ground and performing extravagant kicks. Add in his questionable acting skills and rippling physique, and there you have the van Damme Hollywood package. Good looks, questionable results
Aikido is Seagal's deal. It is a form of close quarter, hand-to-hand combat. Short efficient moves will break bones, dislocate joints and generally fuck you up with very little flurry and bluff. Like him or hate him as an actor, Steven Seagal is one of the highest graded experts in Aikido. In his pre-sword days, he was faithful to his art and the fight scenes were something to behold. Average looks, guaranteed results.
To illustrate the Aikido way, watch this non-Hollywood video and see how far Seagal doesn't move. The attacks are for real, and believe me, if you are in a thumb hold, you do perform somersaults to save breaking your arm!
In a head to head, I am sorry, but all, and I mean all my money would be on Seagal. It wouldn't be pretty, but van Damme would be on the floor nursing some pretty nasty bruises, if he were lucky.
The Way of Peace, the way for kids
To add something weighty to this pointless head-to-head, ever heard of Wado Ryu? It means the Way of Peace or Way of harmony. and if you have kids, get them along to the dojo as soon as they are old enough. It will set them up for life and give them an edge in all aspects of their daily life.
In its traditional form, it looks like Tai Chi, but with a kick! Followers of The Way of Peace are very fit, strong and calm people - with the ability to hold their own against both van Damme and Seagal and any attacker or bully bully.
In stark contrast to van Damme's pirouette fixation, the emphasis for Wado Ryu fighters is on "relaxation" and "down". Concentrate on pushing the core of your body into the ground and you become impossible to uproot! On the other hand, if you are relaxed too, you are totally flexible and light on your feet. A difficult balance to achieve but it brings enormous rewards.
With enough practice and lots of focus, you can easily launch a 200lb person 15 feet across a room with a flick of the hips and a good connection between your foot and your opponent. And because you always use your aggressor's strength against them, there is no need to worry too much about the big guys! There is no fuss under pressure. You are just like Seagal - and then some.
The bonus for anyone acquiring these skills is peace of mind. In regular daily life most of us are never physically threatened, but, boy, bosses and co-workers and colleagues sure are prone to creating stress and putting us in a stressful situation! The principles of "down" and "relax" are perfect weapons to clear your mind and react correctly to that sort of aggravation.
Actions speak louder than words, and real life is better than any Hollywood. The master of Wado Ryu is a guy called Ohtsuka. This is the old guy in "action" and it is arguably one of the most spectacular pieces of fight action you could ever hope to see. The fighter with the knife is under strict orders to try and kill the little guy. There is nothing staged about the attacks. Andt once he has evaded the knife, Ohtsuka demonstrates what he would do to you if you didn't run away. I like the Way of Peace and so should you.
If you ever miss a day without Pisstakers, you can find a daily snapshot of The Pisstakers Satire Blog Posts (ie the homepage) in the archives
Enjoy the content.
| ![]() | ![]() |
| "Your name" is a Kiva lender | "Your site's screenshot" SmartLink Widget | Funny HQ humor store |
.
...
.
.
.






