A little late in the day, but in case you didn't know, or can't remember back that far, the secret is now out: homo sapiens aren't the only ones capable of finding tools to improve the killing process. Chimps were spotted stabbing a lemur with a home made spear. Good first step on route to civilisation.

Next stage is to use the spear as a kebab stick, ideal this time of year as barbecue season approaches. The missing link will be completed when chimps run around in white chef's hats and yell at each other in Hells kitchen.

And how far can chimpanzees progress without any more human fertilization? Euh, gross but true. Men and chimps went at it together for 1 million years. it says so in the Telegraph, the UK newspaper of queens and politicians to the right of Adolf Hitler. They (the homo sapiens and chimpus chimpfantasticus) probably perfected a few sexy moves with so much practice, but I'm not going to go there with different terms for monkeying around. But feel free!