Looking through keywords that drew surfers to The Pisstakers, I noticed one phrase in particular: 100 ways to screw a house boat renter. I like their thinking. Unfortunately I had no luck finding a solution - or any mention of anything enlightening that I had written on the subject.

Unperturbed, I read through a site that gave one-to-one answers to power boat owners in need of advice. The following answers from Ed bear no resemblance to the original accurate answers, so, if you own a power boat, don't take time off from drinking and being loud to implement my suggestions!

Water in the bilge

I recently purdhased a 94 sunbird 170 with a evenrude 115 hp outboard.The boat had less than 100 hours operation. All seemed well first time out till I noticed quite a bit of water in the bilge. After a couple of trips we find it takes on 10 to 15 gallons just docked overnight...

Thank you, Pete from Florida. Crack open your 12th Bud of the morning and sit down.

My suggestion to you is to double your insurance and make sure you burn any paper trail leading to this question. Your boat is about to sink without trace with all onboard, within the next day or two. This prediction has nothing to do with the bilges, which will take on water for as long as you care to put up with leaky hoses and a cracked hull. The truth is, Hurricanes Betty, Charlie and Di are all headed your way, and regardless of any repairs I can suggest, your boat will be in a tree in Montana before the end of the week. But as I said, make sure no insurance company gets wind of your boat's current issues, else you will receive no compensation whatsoever. Enjoy the rest of your beery day.

My power boat will not go slow

I just finished restoring my first wooden Lyman. It is 17ft with a 65hp Mercury 650. I am having problems with it at low speeds while in gear. If I give it more gas the motor kicks in and runs great. Also while at idle at the dock out of gear it runs great. Starts every time without any hassle. The area police are giving me problems because I cannot keep the boat running at low speeds in the channel.

This sounds like a timing problem ie you need to better time your high speed sprints through local waters. I know where you live, and I know the local police too. They have 8-minute donut breaks on the hour every hour between 5am and noon, then it is an hour for coffee and chicken, before resuming for decaf coffee and sugar-free pastry breaks till 5am. That sounds like plenty of opportunity for you to pollute the waters and scare fishermen and bathers shitless without getting busted, yer yahoo.

It's all in the gimble

I found information about a gimble bearing. Should I pay the money to have this inspected sometime?

Well that depends on a couple of things. First off, it depends on whether you want to break down or not, doesn't it? I don't know if you get a kick out of bobbing in the middle of the ocean without an engine. If you do, neglect your gimble.

It also depends on whether you believe in paying money in return for gimble inspection services! I guess that in coming here asking for advice for free, you are probably the sort of person who tells Pedro to drop everything now to check your gimble, then make every lame excuse not to pay him till next Thursday - without specifying which Thursday!

Course you have to pay to have a gimble inspected. Duh.

If you have any more questions on any topic, send them in and I will answer them as best I dare.