There is a well-known saying: Owners look like their pets. It is an extension of the psychology where your motor is a subliminal reflection of your personality. (I can attest to the accuracy of this. Unlike the small penised guy across the road posing in his Corvette, I have a crappy car, ergo, a true reflection of the huge package in my pants.)

Now I got that off my chest, back to pets and owners. Sometimes you see reverse likenesses. My first reaction to this Arabian , apart from, Awwww, isn't he cute, was That's Tina Turner.



And a while back, I took one look at this posy jet set Arabian.and thought, That is Naomi reincarnated!! Am I right or am I right?! (And if I am wrong, please don't throw a phone at me - unless it is an iPhone, and I can keep it.)



Got any more examples of celebrity meets alter animal ego. Let me know.

So, after a quick photoshop, I think Keith Richard looks half human now. The 63 year old alco-pop rocker is living proof that rock 'n roll is good for the soul but hard on the body, with the exception of the hair. (He has more locks than Fort Knox.) What I am not sure about: is the bandana holding his hair on, or in place? It is hard to tell.

At 63 he exudes character from every exfoliated made-up pore, but under scrutiny, Mr Richard has more wrinkles on his face than a screwed up reefer paper. He probably wouldn't bat a remodeled flickery eye at that accurate reflection of his extended life in the fast lane. At least he can still take all night to do what he and the Stones did all night.

No doubt he is one hell of a guy to have as your granddad, but I would introduce him slowly to new born, in case they freak out and think they have been born into the world of the Undead. As for older kids, they would probably joke that he has more hair than daddy and gives off more smoke than Puff the Magic Dragon, but he is cool.

I have never met the guy, don't particularly like The Stones and couldn't afford the small fortune to see them even if I was a fan. All I do know is, Keith Richard doesn't like the press when they give bad reviews. Good job I am not the press!

Hands up, does anyone still watch Big Brother? I see. So this post is for you, Mrs Jones in Wyoming.

It is now up to series 8 in America and I believe that in its non-celebrity format, (I use the word celebrity loosely), Big Bro' is succeeding admirably in its mission. That mission is not to entertain, stupid, but to cave in attention spans and leave demand for crap TV soaring in its wake. (In fairness, it is doing a better job of the former, but give it time.)

If there is any justice, George Orwell will turn in his grave and unleash his version of the Japanese Thought Police with such venom that the producers' last drop of creative juice dries up. Surely at that low point, nadir, rock-bottom time, they will agree that it is no longer worth spewing out the TV show and will pull the plug. Of course, there is no real justice in an Orwellian world, so, as you were, Mrs Jones, your program is safe.

In case you don't even know what this show is about, check out Zenny's deconstructions. Guaranteed to leave you in the picture, scratching your head wondering what the world has come to.

Or if you fancy a change and want to experience the feeling of passing out with boredom in your lounge, tune in to Big Brother for real.

And finally, my prediction for where the Big Brother world is heading: the octagon full of dross TV that is series 8, is rolling unsteadily and uninterestingly towards the nirvana of BB100. Can't wait can you!?!!

Scanning through a site called eonline, I came across a graphic that would serve well as a recent visitor widget in the tradition of MyBlogLog and Blogcatalog and Wavumi and Bumpzee!.

There is only one flaw in the usefulness of a widget that displays the last 5 celebs to visit your blog - so few celebs visit most sites. Let's face it, if you knew you were going to be trashed, would you willingly read all about it on Ed's blog? Or am I showing my ignorance and will never be a celeb myself because I don't have the right self-serving mindset that seeks every mention of my name, from MSN to My Inconsequential Celeb Blog?

I was thinking of ways to market the elitist widget to average Joe bloggers like myself, and came up with an angle. In the era of white space and minimalism, the celebrity graphic is the ultimate empty space, rather like what is found in many celebs' heads. Does it have potential?

Angelina Jolie, the all-action beauty of the silver screen and darling of adoption agencies world-wide, has just signed up a new body double. Weighing in at 75lbs, her new stunt double, Lady Skeletar, is hoping and praying that Angelina lays off the lettuce and soup long enough for her to get at least a couple of movies under her bony belt.



Jackie Chan is famous for doing his own stunts. Judging by the take-outs and behind-the-scenes clips of him falling and mis-timing moves and cracking bones (all with a smile on his face) I certainly wouldn't want to be the person charged with being his body double for a stunt he won't do.



Tom Cruise, the 500 million dollar man hasn't used a body double as often as he could, but with 19 new movies to shoot, that bravado will surely all change. As we speak, stunt doubles are competing for the lucrative honor of taking Cruise's bumps and knocks, flexing their necks to make their shoulders droop. May the shortest man win the contract.

After watching Space Cowboys, it is easy to spot which of the four superstars used to do all their own stunts. Clint Eastwood, Tommy Lee Jones and Donald Sutherland all looked so supple and alive compared to the hobbling physical mess that was James Garner. Looking like he was on death's door half the time, he could have done with a leg up from his old Jim Rockford buddy, Angel. And any more stunts that involve more than three steps in a straight line, he will probably be next seen heading off with the angels.

Paris Hilton clutches her cellulite free dog, and the paparazzi snap her every sullen move. Her bodyguards can't make the press disappear, and unfortunately, the dog can't make his mistress' cellulite disappear either. So much for the beautiful people who have everything.

I remember celebrity actor, Dustin Hoffman, being asked who the most beautiful women in Hollywood were. He stood up and pointed to the audience and said something along the lines of, "The women like you, you and you, and any number of "ordinary" women who you see at the mall and in the park!" He may have been playing the crowd a little bit, but you got the idea. Even Doctor Phil, who has been ogling women for 35 years now, said the best models aren't all that great without make-up.

And when you look through a magazine, it doesn't take long to realise just how ordinary, and even freaky, some celebrity women are in the flesh. Cellulite anyone? Even skinny millionaire maidens like Paris Hilton and Kirsten Dunst and youngster Mischa Burton have a few issues in the rump and thigh department, so let's not get too smitten on the dream, guys.

Remember, if sex-mad Dustin Marathon Man Meets the Parents2 Hoffman says the girl next door is prettier than the girl the public seem to adore, us ordinary guys should take note.

And when you look at the flabuless website, you can see how ordinary women learn to live with a less than perfect body and keep a sense of humor. While she gives in to temptation and gets over it already, Paris remains sullen and keeps clutching to that skinny perfectly formed dog. I wonder who has got it right?

About 10 years ago I found myself in the Himalayas on a mission for mushrooms and herbs. I made a small mistake and ended up feeling like Death eating a cracker!

What happened was, after a few meetings in Katmandu, I embarked on a mammoth trip to the Far West of Nepal, far from the madding tourist crowds. After 10 days and 100 miles walking, I arrived at journey's end. After so much exertion, I looked forward to a couple of easy days R&R before making contact with the head honcho in the area.

I hadn't had a drink in 3 years, literally, but for some reason I had this urge for a beer before bed time. What the hell, I thought, and like all good alcoholics I didn't want to drink alone, so bought a bottle for myself, my colleague and the two sherpas who had guided us up to the village. Artistic Intoxication is a very appropriate theme for this post, because I was the only one who liked the taste of the last 4 beers in the joint. Like a good alcy, I couldn't let any of it go to waste.

When I woke up in the middle of the night, I thought I was going to die! I can remember staggering around in the dark looking for somewhere to chunder. I apologise for being such a dog, but needs must and I coated a row of vegetables with the previous night's rice. I guess that afterwards, that feeling equated to Death eating a Cracker?

Hopefully this makes the cut for Linda's contest, I could do with a mug for all the non-alcoholic beverages I now imbibe periodically. Namaste.

If you can find a truly niche topic, and become a world authority on it, blog success will be yours. Restroom Signs, a subset of the genre, Business Signs, has to be en route for the big time.

Having said that, it must be tough keeping a straight face as you try to wring every last story and angle out of such a narrow field.

Ordering Braille Signs For Your Business.

When you are furnishing your new business operation, be sure that you accommodate all of your visitors. This includes offering Braille signs for your sight-impaired clients or customers. The visually-impaired can make their way around if you can just help them to locate areas like the bathroom with helpful signs.

Obviously the blind or optically challenged like me require all the help necessary to navigate public buildings (it is hard enough with 20/20 vision sometimes) but can you imagine some joker creating a really graphic braille interpretation of Ladies and Gents? All blind visitors end up spending way too long groping the signs at every turn, a lecherous smile on their face.

After one too many long feels, many would fail to make it to their destination on time and the whole independent, I can look after myself thing falls apart in a puddle on the floor. .

I guess I will never be responsible or caring enough to work in the Braille signs industry, and I don't deserve any traffic for this immature angle either. Next.

I was just re-reading a story I posted a while ago about a warden trapped in a locked cage with a grizzly bear. He escaped death by ... read the short story so I don't spoil it.


On the same gory vein, Mrs Ed is reading a book called North to the Night, a tale of a loony adventurer snowed up in his boat in the arctic. She just re-related the trapper joke.

True polar bear stories

Despite their rap as the most ferocious and aggressive of all bears, the Polar Bear capital of the North has only ever experienced two fatalities at the claws of furry white bears, and both times it seems as if the victims asked for it.

Sorry, but it is hard to sympathise with idiots. If you torment anything with claws and teeth, or stuff your pockets with food and walk among a hungry crowd of anything, you are asking for trouble. So let's hear it for the bears and I apologise to their families that an intelligent human shot them for acting naturally.

The following episode restores my faith in the idea that Man is top of the food chain and shouldn't fear any predator, except other men.

...most Churchill residents are fond of their polar bears, despite occasional damage. When a bear ambled into the Royal Canadian Legion hall, the club steward shouted, "You're not a member! Get out!" The bear did

. The only other thing I can recall about polar bears is that their liver is so full of protein it would kill you if you ate it. I don't know if it is true, but it sounds like a story most people would find hard to prove one way or the other.

Ever seen a polar bear outside a zoo?

As an open-minded sport, it isn't often I think, "Ouch, I wouldn't want to give that a go!" and I am not prone to shriek with laughter, but when I saw this and other photos from Michael Zauels, I thought and did exactly that. What are these people thinking, putting their horses through that embarrassing, sweaty ordeal?Is there no shame in France, trotting around with titties and chest hair blowing in the wind, appendages bouncing in time to a stud's steps? Apparently not. There is a whole community of nude cavaliers enjoying the open air pursuit, unfettered by self consciousness.

I don't know if they are on a membership drive, but if you feel so inclined to let more than your hair down en France this summer, give them a call.

A friend of mine is forever looking at ways to earn extra cash, and this fascination has taken a turn for the worst - she is trying to involve Mrs Ed in a plan to offer home-cooked meals to locals working too hard to cook for themselves.

Mrs Ed is a great cook, but like 99% of wives who can cook, she doesn't particularly like to. This subtle detail was lost on our friend and it isn't hard to imagine my wife's horror and private wtf reaction to the idea of preparing meals in her spare time.

The basic scheme is possibly a good idea, except Mrs Ed has no desire to fill in the holes in the plan - to travel to wholesale butchers and food stores at 4am in order to buy good quality ingredients at a low enough price for her to make money - to deliver food - to get licenses...

Another issue that escaped the entrepreneuse' plan - Mrs Ed loves Indian and other spicy food and dislikes preparing junky dishes. Our friend jumped into creative mode, saying she was all for that different, exotic angle, but after a quick resumé of meals eaten recently at our neighbors, we are fairly sure that Mrs Ed would be cooking food that appealed to a minority of her and me.

To bridge the cultural gap, Mrs Ed suggested that hypothetically, taboule and humus were a couple of mild and delicious Middle Eastern dishes that would hurt no one's taste buds. Our friend looked at her like she was talking Syrian! What's taboulé? She didn't seem o like the explanation, but undaunted, she jumped into entrepreneur on the backfoot mode and suggested we prepare a menu and explain what each dish contained.

Yeah, let's keep it really simple and supply crockery and cutlery and go wash it all up for them afterwards, all included in the price. And why not eat the food for them too, while we are at it.

Every which way we looked at it, it was a bad idea for Mrs Ed. Added to which, I was focussed on one major scenario - the atmosphere if any of Mrs Ed's food were ever left uneaten. My god, my life wouldn't be worth living, and I would probably end up wearing the curries.

For her next idea, may I suggest our friend watches the Big Idea? At least Donny has a grip on reality.

Once upon a rant, I raised the question of inventions we could really do without. Star of the show was the 5-blade razor that forever clogs up with soap and stubble and adds hours to the shaving process. To add insult to expensive injury, they also don't last 5 times as long as a single blade.

My solution has been to stick two fingers to fashion and cool, and revert to a simple single blade throwaway Bic type razor. But not even this is ideal in my troubled world of perfection! It is environmentally unfriendly. Not that my one blade a week is going to burst a landfill, but multiplied out by the million, that is one major yellow and blue pile of plastic handles building for future generations to worry about.

A non-disposable single razor blade would therefore be ideal, but who makes razors that last forever? Actually Infinity Razors do! Just $19.95.

This ultimate razor isn't perfect either

I would like to claim that the Infinity life-time guaranteed razor blade is the ultimate solution for this particular aspect of daily life. Indeed, the Infinity Razor is a tungsten carbide-impregnated steel marvel guaranteed never to go blunt, and leaves men and women kissably smooth!!!! so what's to dislike? There are two downsides as far as I can tell, (or not tell, but guess.)

Firstly, judging by the crappy promo photos, it has a couple of blades, in which case, it will still clog. So there is till a hole in the market for people like me looking for an uncomplicated shave.

Second, the infinity Razor is sold in pairs. This sounds like an advantage, but it is a ploy by manufacturers who know the blades will be lost long before they ever go blunt under warranty. Offering 2 razors for the price of one may seem generous, but they are doubling their chances of a second sale down the line.

My fear would be that if you lose both razors after enjoying such a close shave, you may be tempted to take the free knife they include in the bundle and slash the wrists of the woman who kept misplacing it in her part of the bathroom.

Conconclusion

On balance, Infinity Razors are almost the perfect answer for most, but I am still a Bic man, albeit with a troubled environmental conscience. Maybe I should lobby the Infinity people to make a one blade wonder for me, for $10.95, no extra knives required. That'll do it and shut me up till it goes missing.

Looking through keywords that drew surfers to The Pisstakers, I noticed one phrase in particular: 100 ways to screw a house boat renter. I like their thinking. Unfortunately I had no luck finding a solution - or any mention of anything enlightening that I had written on the subject.

Unperturbed, I read through a site that gave one-to-one answers to power boat owners in need of advice. The following answers from Ed bear no resemblance to the original accurate answers, so, if you own a power boat, don't take time off from drinking and being loud to implement my suggestions!

Water in the bilge

I recently purdhased a 94 sunbird 170 with a evenrude 115 hp outboard.The boat had less than 100 hours operation. All seemed well first time out till I noticed quite a bit of water in the bilge. After a couple of trips we find it takes on 10 to 15 gallons just docked overnight...

Thank you, Pete from Florida. Crack open your 12th Bud of the morning and sit down.

My suggestion to you is to double your insurance and make sure you burn any paper trail leading to this question. Your boat is about to sink without trace with all onboard, within the next day or two. This prediction has nothing to do with the bilges, which will take on water for as long as you care to put up with leaky hoses and a cracked hull. The truth is, Hurricanes Betty, Charlie and Di are all headed your way, and regardless of any repairs I can suggest, your boat will be in a tree in Montana before the end of the week. But as I said, make sure no insurance company gets wind of your boat's current issues, else you will receive no compensation whatsoever. Enjoy the rest of your beery day.

My power boat will not go slow

I just finished restoring my first wooden Lyman. It is 17ft with a 65hp Mercury 650. I am having problems with it at low speeds while in gear. If I give it more gas the motor kicks in and runs great. Also while at idle at the dock out of gear it runs great. Starts every time without any hassle. The area police are giving me problems because I cannot keep the boat running at low speeds in the channel.

This sounds like a timing problem ie you need to better time your high speed sprints through local waters. I know where you live, and I know the local police too. They have 8-minute donut breaks on the hour every hour between 5am and noon, then it is an hour for coffee and chicken, before resuming for decaf coffee and sugar-free pastry breaks till 5am. That sounds like plenty of opportunity for you to pollute the waters and scare fishermen and bathers shitless without getting busted, yer yahoo.

It's all in the gimble

I found information about a gimble bearing. Should I pay the money to have this inspected sometime?

Well that depends on a couple of things. First off, it depends on whether you want to break down or not, doesn't it? I don't know if you get a kick out of bobbing in the middle of the ocean without an engine. If you do, neglect your gimble.

It also depends on whether you believe in paying money in return for gimble inspection services! I guess that in coming here asking for advice for free, you are probably the sort of person who tells Pedro to drop everything now to check your gimble, then make every lame excuse not to pay him till next Thursday - without specifying which Thursday!

Course you have to pay to have a gimble inspected. Duh.

If you have any more questions on any topic, send them in and I will answer them as best I dare.