I was just re-reading a story I posted a while ago about a warden trapped in a locked cage with a grizzly bear. He escaped death by ... read the short story so I don't spoil it.


On the same gory vein, Mrs Ed is reading a book called North to the Night, a tale of a loony adventurer snowed up in his boat in the arctic. She just re-related the trapper joke.

True polar bear stories

Despite their rap as the most ferocious and aggressive of all bears, the Polar Bear capital of the North has only ever experienced two fatalities at the claws of furry white bears, and both times it seems as if the victims asked for it.

Sorry, but it is hard to sympathise with idiots. If you torment anything with claws and teeth, or stuff your pockets with food and walk among a hungry crowd of anything, you are asking for trouble. So let's hear it for the bears and I apologise to their families that an intelligent human shot them for acting naturally.

The following episode restores my faith in the idea that Man is top of the food chain and shouldn't fear any predator, except other men.

...most Churchill residents are fond of their polar bears, despite occasional damage. When a bear ambled into the Royal Canadian Legion hall, the club steward shouted, "You're not a member! Get out!" The bear did

. The only other thing I can recall about polar bears is that their liver is so full of protein it would kill you if you ate it. I don't know if it is true, but it sounds like a story most people would find hard to prove one way or the other.

Ever seen a polar bear outside a zoo?

There is something gruesomely appealing about sharks. The stuff of nightmares, pure killing machines, Jaws. Before it gets too scary, just think nice thoughts. Shark steak and fries, I think you'll agree, that brings the beasties down to size and renders them infinitely less scary.

Looking through Discovery Channel's Shark Week, it all sounded very appealing viewing. But somehow it lost its serious edge when I saw the sponsors - the Crab Shack. The name just doesn't do it for me, I'm afraid.

I am sure the owner, Joe, is a nice guy, but The Crab Shack, as a name for company underpinning a shark fest? I don't think so. That is one stage removed from pink in a world of leather and studs. Big Terry's Tackle, or Deep Sea Hunters, I could live with those slightly macho company brands as sponsors, but Crab Shack?

I'm sure the crab meat is delicious, but they should be sponsoring a more appropriate event, or at least have a surfboard with a chunk bitten out of it? Or am I missing the point?

An annual prairie dog hunt took place in Wyoming on June 9th and obviously enviro-ecology types were up in arms.

I think concerns for the dogs' welfare was a little over-blown, however, seeing that some of the hunters were from New Zealand and they were probably so jet-lagged they couldn't hit a barn door from 3 paces, let alone blow away a wily varmint.

Other fears concerned the impact on the environment whenever there is a sudden drop in the numbers of a particular species. These concerns were somewhat unfounded too. Prairie Dogs are protected in many areas, so surely it is easy to round up any surplus from those reserves and replenish the decimated colonies in time for next year's hunt?

And finally:

this year's event will also include a canned food drive and a chili supper. He said donations from the drive and supper will go to benefit the National Rifle Association's Hunters for the Hungry Program.

There are plenty enough hungry people around, what is it with the NRA's need to hunt prairie dogs too?

There are deformed Hummers and Lincolns driving around turning heads, and maybe even a Scion Xb or two has been doubled in length with 10 cents added to the value too. Now there is a duck that has gone through the stretch limo process. Courtesy of Cliff Michaels, satirical photographer extraordinaire.

Many of Cliff Michaels' satirical photos appear in the looping photo album in the imaginatively named Photos section of the Pisstakers. I love his renditions of Buster, a bright and cheery lad with a missing chromosone. A shame the American Idol moneython didn't ear mark anything for that young man. Maybe next year.

Out in the wilderness, no contact with anyone, what else do you do but nibble away at a sleeping bear's jugular with a pair of clippers!

I am not taking the piss here! This was the last ditch effort of a conservation officer in Canada, locked in a cage with a tranquilised grizzly and just a pair of nail clippers to save him from impending death.

...20 minutes cutting and clipping away at the bear's jugular vein. He had to clip through a thick layer of fur, and then an even thicker hide, to find the vein.

You have to read the full story from Kai.

Birds navigating by roads, free cats, and donkeys left out on the mountains for the eagles - a fun article for animal lovers!

Birds don't get caught in traffic

It seems that instead of using rivers and natural landmarks to navigate by, migratory birds are relying on tarmacced road systems now. There is no clue as to how we know, but it is official and as you sit in a traffic jam, take solace that those swallows are zooming along nicely overhead with an inbuilt GPS.

Donkeys are great snacks for eagles

Old donkeys in Spain don't go from sanctuaries to donkey heaven straightaway. Their carcasses are dumped on the mountainside for local birds of prey to feast on.

But as an optimistic aside to that, the donkey is dying out, so if you want to make money, set up shop as a donkey breeder.

Puppies and kittens are for life, not just Christmas

I never had a puppy, couldn't eat a whole one, but I am living with the results of 2 kittens that grew into cats and are spending Christmas after Christmas tormenting me.

It is quite interesting how 2 cat brothers can be so different. One is actually quite amiable and nice, but the other one. Why can't it be the one that escapes and gets lost somewhere we can't find it? But no. The cute one runs away and we spend hours peering into neighbors' yards, ending up perched on a tower with a stool on top, reaching into someone's balcony. Don't mind us.

Got any dead donkey or stray pet stories, drop me a line.

For viewers with poor eyesight, or them that don't get out much, this is a photo of a real laid back kangaroo. It reminded us of Far Side down under.

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One of our "funny" quotes of the day was from a web site featuring, Evohe, a ship that sailed through the North West passage. To me the quote was more ironic than rib cracking - he was referring to fancy deep freezes, whereas I had visions of a cupboard with no door doing the same job for them in the Arctic circle.

Read Steve's story, it isn't funny, but it will make you appreciate your creature comforts, and should make you at least smile in thanks.

What did the guy who caught the world's biggest yellow fin tuna say, when describing his 300lb catch? Nothing. Greg Pickering had no need to lie. The monster was harpooned underwater, so the record-breaker just floated next to it, his arms by his sides. Kudos.

(That harpooned underwater statement sounded tautological at first, thinking that harpoons were only used below water. But of course that is plain dumb. Hello, Captain Ahab and Jaws.)

Anyway, the picture proved the size of the tuna beast and the proud hunter had no need to resort to elastic arms or embellish his story with sizes measured in factors of ten.

He made a lot of consumers happy too, providing sufficient meat for 42,000 kitty meals, or was it 300 tuna steaks?

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You have to look carefully, but be assured, this is part of a belt holding up the guy's pants and isn't something scary poking out his pants.

Successful bid to kiss 11 cobras

Snakes occasionally hit the headlines, and last October was a busy and tragic time for cobras. In Pattaya, Thailand, a whacky gent made a successful bid to kiss 11 cobras consecutively. Mad. His lips were wrapped around more venomous snakes than any person in history. What a way to get into the Guinness Book of Records. Madder still, he is the most prolific serpent-kissing human who ever lived to tell the tale, and then went back to work - as a snake charmer.

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Sorry, but when will the star gazers out there stop trying to drum up some excitement with outrageous claims of never before seen, rarely seen, or never to be seen again astronomic events? The latest rarity sounds so lame.

Saturday night's skies will glow with a red color, and if the night is clear it will be the perfect opportunity to see the a red lunar eclipse.

Never heard of Photoshop? Never seen the sunsets on CSI? Now, they are mind-boggling. And even without a TV or computer, you can get a red sky any night of the week. Go buy a pair of rose tinted spectacles - the sort that enthusiastic astronomers wear when trying to convince us to make astronomy an important part of our life.

Cliff Michaels is a self confessed lucky person. With way too much time and money on his hands, he sets his artistic mind and wit to producing photos, photoshopping the ones that need help, and adding great commentaries. We have featured several examples of his work...

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When I first read the subtitle of the Insanely Inane blog, I thought it said And if FAT doesn't make you laugh...



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The humble toucan was made famous by the Irish beer maker, Guinness. Just by perching on a weathervane, beer in hand, it made the company millions. Toucans had a great time as the face of the House of Irish boozers. Photo shoots every other day, regular paint jobs. It was a blast.

You can go on eBay right now to buy this sucker. Get bidding!

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