10 tips to avoid the mistakes (or oversights) people make before they even start painting. These are brought to you by a former master painter who has seen it all, and as an apprentice made all the following mistakes - once or twice!

Don't leave paint spots all over your best furniture.

The replacement cost of spotty leather couches is a lot more than the added value of a coat of paint on your ceiling and walls. To avoid wrecking a room that you are trying to make look prettier, you should remove all furniture from the room before you start work.

If removal is impossible, pile the furniture up in the middle of the room and cover it all with plastic sheeting. Use masking tape to make sure the plastic doesn't slide off when you aren't looking. This usually happens when you have a loaded paint roller spinning. And don't stack your chairs so high you can't even paint the ceiling.

Don't paint around pictures and wall clocks

Before you do any work, even before removing furniture, take all pictures and wall ornaments and books and CDs and Playstations out the room and box them up somewhere safe. Who wants to get claustrophobic dancing around stuff that shouldn't be in the way?

If you try and cut corners and paint round the picture, not only will it take you longer than necessary, but your spotless frame will end up with paint on it. Added to that, the next person who removes it will see a dark or different colored patch AND a ridge tracing the outline of the picture. Not a great legacy.

Don't paint over nails and picture hooks

Before you start painting, don't stop at removing pictures. Remove the picture hooks and nails too - carefully. Don't forget this small detail. I can assure you there is nothing fun having to pick the fluff out of drying paint after your roller sleeve has been torn to shreds on old picture hooks.

Don't walk paint all over the carpet.

Another important precaution before painting is to lay PLASTIC dust sheets on the floor and stick them to the carpet or flooring with masking tape. Then lay cotton sheets on top of that. This will make sure you don't stamp paint drops through the cotton sheet onto the floor. It will also ensure you walk around carefully. If you run, you will skid, go head over heels and probably end up with paint flowing off your face and onto the floor - but at least the plastic will save the carpet from ruin.

Don't leave painted footprints all over the house

Following on from the above point, please lay a folded cotton sheet outside the door to the room you are painting, and when you go out the room, bend over and take your shoes off. Unless you have a pair of artistically soled shoes, any random paint print patterns will detract from the appeal of your stair carpet or beautiful slate kitchen floor.

Don't get paint on your clothes or in your hair

You have prepared the room, now it is time to make sure you are in good shape. Don't believe a word about non-drip paint. It is like a magnet to expensive items. Jeans and dress shirts can be as expensive to replace as spotty armchairs, and who wants paint in their fancy haircut? The easiest way to keep clean is to wear coveralls and a cap. If you are worried about getting too hot, go commando. You are at home, if you can't do it there, where can you?

With regard to the cap, don't wear a woolen hat, because if you think you are so clumsy you need a hat, you are bound to brush the hat against the ceiling or walls, and leave it covered in fibers, just after you painted it.

Don't paint the dog or cat

What did your pet ever do to deserve being striped or patched in off-white? Ban it from the work area and threaten it with grounding if you see it anywhere close. To be doubly sure of avoiding any animal footprints around the house, buy them coveralls and plastic boottees. It won't be fun for them, but you will have a laugh watching them try to walk.

Don't paint the glass in your windows

There is nothing more satisfying than well-painted windows. A straight paint line overlapping about 2mm onto the glass, , sharp corners, and no paint spots in sight. To achieve this, either practice for 7 years doing it freehand, or cheat with masking tape.

I don't recommend removing the glass first, because if you are that bad at painting, you are the sort of person who will put their hand through the glass and splatter paint everywhere. And paint is a bigger bitch to remove than paint.

Don't paint the car

If you intend painting outside, make sure your cars are a long way from the house. Don't just park them around the other side from where you are working - the wind is not your friend when it is laden with paint particles.

Don't believe the saying, If you can piss you can paint.

How many people say they can paint, and when the job is finished you wonder what they did to make a shabby room look worse? Straight lines, smooth finishes and a completely finished job are not easy to achieve. If you are paying a professional make sure it is a great job, if not, and you pay them, you just added to the downward plunge in work standards.

Let me know if this was of use and if you want me to point out ways to avoid mistakes when you actually start painting in earnest.

There is something gruesomely appealing about sharks. The stuff of nightmares, pure killing machines, Jaws. Before it gets too scary, just think nice thoughts. Shark steak and fries, I think you'll agree, that brings the beasties down to size and renders them infinitely less scary.

Looking through Discovery Channel's Shark Week, it all sounded very appealing viewing. But somehow it lost its serious edge when I saw the sponsors - the Crab Shack. The name just doesn't do it for me, I'm afraid.

I am sure the owner, Joe, is a nice guy, but The Crab Shack, as a name for company underpinning a shark fest? I don't think so. That is one stage removed from pink in a world of leather and studs. Big Terry's Tackle, or Deep Sea Hunters, I could live with those slightly macho company brands as sponsors, but Crab Shack?

I'm sure the crab meat is delicious, but they should be sponsoring a more appropriate event, or at least have a surfboard with a chunk bitten out of it? Or am I missing the point?

I while back I did an experiment in the interest of public information and signed up to MyFreeImplants.com. I haven't got round to deleting the email subscription yet and get an occasional message reminding me of some new opportunity!

Out of curiosity I shot across to the site for a quick look-see and landed on the blogs. At first sight, I couldn't work out why the first girl blogger needed any implants, her butt looked plenty big enough in her avatar. Not to worry, a few spots down, there was actually an amusing joke.

I am not politically correct and don't work in an office environment, but if you get fired reading the joke, you were working for someone who really needs to loosen up a bit.

Did you hear about the married Jehova's Witness who got blind drunk after dumping the woman he had been having an affair with for years. Best not get too deep into the religious grounds for his actions, but suffice to say, he couldn't have committed any more sins had he tried. (True story.)

Two Muslims were arguing and the insults grew worse, until the argument was killed stone dead by, "At least my grandfather didn't fart in the mosque." (True story.)

Did you hear about the dyslexic Devil Worshipper who sold his soul to Santa?

Are you familiar with the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who stays awake all night wondering if there is a Dog

Error 666, hard drive possessed.

Operating systems are like religions, except people feel more strongly about operating systems.

Whatever your religion, or lack of it, there is always something to talk about, but it's probably best not to.

The Ed, a guy with modest aspirations, is asking folks to send him money towards his Hummer fund. I first came across him a few months back and I can assure you, progress is being made. Looking at his money line, I think it is safe to say Ed has moved from $200 to the grand total of approximately $260. Judge for yourself, as I am not great at interpreting data, and a little color blind. Perhaps the fund-raising is going better than at first sight and he has $260 to go?

Ed the Editor inner tube fund

I can assure you, this Ed is not in the market for a luxury vehicle, so no pleas for money today. Although if there are any souls feeling generous, I could do with a 26 x 1.5" inner tube for my mountain bike! The 7th patch isn't lasting too well and the valve is beginning to rust. In return for a donation, I will give you a 30 mile "backy ride" around your favorite national park. I have a saddle that looks like it will sever your butt in two, but it is surprisingly comfortable once you get used to the bruising.

However, if that incentive is just too much to bear, and you can't see your way to helping me, at least send Ed some Hummer money. A ride on the back of his vehicle should be much more fun - when you are 93 and Hummers are vintage cars once more.

I used to drink coffee every Sunday morning before starting myBlogLog Sunday, but I stopped that in favor of water as my kick start of choice. Some kick start, more a very light touch on an insensitive part of the brain.

As part of my health drive, (now it is sunny you get that weird sense of health) I maybe drink 3 cups a week, only at home, only in the morning, and almost never at Starbucks. (I am not part of their average domographic who visit 4 or 5 times a week, and the pile of unspent $4's in my bulging wallet and nothing on a credit card under beverage is testament to that bucking of the trend.)

Feeding all that riveting information and then some, into a computer-generated icon-generator, I can officially declare myself half asleep and struggling with the following level of addiction:


Mingle² - Free Online Dating

Quite where the online dating fits into all this, I have no idea, but if the price of knowing I am half addicted, is promoting Mingle2, I will go for that.

See how far gone you are!